just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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