Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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