i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize