never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
