I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
