Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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