someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
