She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
