she woke up with a sticky ear
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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