he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
