Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
