you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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