Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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