I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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