I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
