if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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