He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
