The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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