I think scott just propositioned me for sex
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
