The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
