i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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