Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
