i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
