So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
