A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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