you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
