end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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