My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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