i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I party with great urgency now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
