I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
