I just threw up on my dentist
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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