No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
