That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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