there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
