you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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