I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
