ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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