Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
