Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He better not be in your backpack
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
