Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
