he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Terrible idea I love it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo