we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.