I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...