His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A+ Viking dick
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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