It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
