Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
