Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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