for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
