after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
