spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
