He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken