Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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