I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it