I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
