i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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