pop tarts are not kleenex
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
