my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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