I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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