stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you traded sex for a burrito?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
