i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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