She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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