So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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