she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
